oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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