My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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