There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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