I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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