you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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