Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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