i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
