the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
