my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
