I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
