Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
