How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
