Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
