Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
