apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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