Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
