I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
