highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
