Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
