i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
