Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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