Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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