The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
