I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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