what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we made out on top of his cat.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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