I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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