just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone shattered a urinal.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
