She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
