your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
