I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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