he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
