3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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