you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
