we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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