Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
