If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
