By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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