i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
