Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
