Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
