Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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