can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
