Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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