the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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