I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
