In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
