The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
