I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
