I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
