I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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