so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
