There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
